


Further Than A Heartbreak

by Lilly_C



Series: Prompt in a Box [19]
Category: Taggart (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Community: prompt_in_a_box, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Post-Series, References to Addiction, Running Away, Unplanned Pregnancy, recovering addict
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-15
Updated: 2010-12-15
Packaged: 2017-12-27 02:01:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly_C/pseuds/Lilly_C
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were my fire</p>
            </blockquote>





	Further Than A Heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

> Set post-series with references to The Caring Game, Bloodsport and Ends Of Justice.
> 
> Written for prompt_in_a_box on LJ, prompt used was I'm open to attack but I don't want to hurt you.
> 
> Sequel to Salt Skin, you don’t need to know that fic to understand this.
> 
> The song Hurried Bloom is by Powderfinger, I’m only borrowing it.
> 
> An appearance by Stuart because I miss him :)
> 
> Any mistakes are my own and unintentional.

Staring at his vacant seat wasn’t going to bring him back. It wasn’t going to end his suspension any sooner either. Yet Jackie couldn’t help but wonder what life would be like if he was still here, still her DI, she gently shook her head at that thought as bitter sweet tears threatened to spill once more.

Matt and Mita were watching her, wondering and worrying in equal measure about the newly promoted DI sure there were times when she’d been on edge and stressed out because of a case or because of something in her personal life but this felt different to them.

“Go on then, find out what’s wrong with my DI” Matt said.

Mita looked at him. “What?”

“Go find Jackie, and find out what her problem is. I’m already a man down thanks to Robbie’s stupidity.”

“She’s my boss, sir.”

“Aye, and I outrank the both of you, now go or you’ll be training cadets faster than you say demoted,” Matt joked, smiling as Mita speedily exited the office.

*

“Jackie, are you in here?” Mita said loudly enough to announce her presence to half of the station.

“Haven’t you got work to do?” Jackie snapped back.

“Yes,” Mita answered her voice slightly shaky. “The DCI sent me. He wants to know what’s up with you.”

Jackie slid the lock back on the door and stepped out of cubicle. “Everything’s wrong.”

Mita noticed how much paler Jackie’s skin was and she knew she wouldn’t get a straight answer out of her boss so she asked anyway. “Are you pregnant?”

Pausing for a moment, Jackie looked at her reflection in the mirror, noticing the small bump that was starting to show. “Yes, I am,” she softly replied, tears freely falling down her cheeks. 

“Wh…. Who?” she stammered, surprised by the revelation.

“Robbie,” she said cursing his name.

“When? I thought you said you didn’t sleep with the boss.”

“About four months ago, that night when I had to pretend to be his girlfriend,” Jackie said letting out a despondent sigh.

Putting her arm around the older woman, Mita said, “That kiss looked pretty real to me. And passionate too.”

“It was.” Jackie flashed a soft smile before splashing some cold water on her face. “I’m going to have to face the music aren’t I?”

“Yes, but only if you want to. I can wait up here with you for as long as you want me to.”

Understanding that Burke will have issued some kind of idle threat to the still inexperienced DS, Jackie said, “Thanks Mita, I’ll tell the boss to ease off a wee bit.” 

A few minutes later, Jackie followed the younger woman out of the toilets and back down to the office.

Matt waited for the women to approach before speaking. “Sorted?” he enquired.

“Yeah,” Jackie said softly, avoiding all eye contact with her superior.

Matt gently tugged on Mita’s arm. “Is it? All sorted I mean.” There it was again, that unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“It’s not my place to tell boss. I’m gonna let her tell you,” The DS answered before resuming with her paperwork.

“Jackie, have you got that file I asked for?” Matt asked, hoping his ruse would work.

Picking up the first file she put her hands on, she rose from her seat and made her way to the DCI's office. “You didn’t ask for a file,” she pointed out before closing the door. “Oh and I know that you’ve been dying to ask me something since Mita and I come back.”

Matt suppressed a chuckle at the woman’s knack for knowing these things. “What’s going on with you? One minute you’re laughing, then crying, then running out of the office.”

Jackie sighed hesitantly. “I’ve got a problem and I don‘ t know what to do about.”

“Spit it out woman.”

“I’m pregnant and before you ask Robbie is the father.”

An awkward silence passed briefly between them before Matt found his voice. “When did this happen?”

“The night we went undercover and I had to pretend to be his girlfriend.”

“That was what….” he paused, mentally doing the maths. “About four months ago wasn’t it?”

“Yes. I know I said I didn’t sleep with him but it just kind of happened.”

“Do you know what you’re going to do?”

Jackie gave her a boss a sad half smile. “I’m keeping the baby and if Robbie ever gets his act together he could be a part of their life. Oh, I know we’re a bit short handed at the moment because of his suspension. Could I take some time off? I still have a few days annual leave to use up before Christmas.”

“It’s fine Jackie. Take as long as you need. Where will you be if we need you?”

“Aberdeen. I think I’ll go up and see Stuart, it’ll be good to have a catch up and get some perspective on things.” Jackie opened the door, looking back at her superior. “Thanks, Matt.”

“All right. Look after yourself, and don’t come back till you’re ready.”

*

Robbie entered the office, glancing over at Jackie's empty desk. “Where is she?” he asked loudly.

“She left a couple of hours ago.” Mita swivelled her chair to face him. “Ask the boss.”

Matt tapped Robbie on the shoulder. “You're still suspended son, scarper.”

“Not until I've seen Jackie. Something is wrong. She's not at home and she's not answering her mobile or replying to my texts.”

“Something is wrong, but it's for you two to deal with.”

Robbie rubbed his face. “Just tell me Matt. This whole not knowing and side-stepping is starting to piss me off.”

“She's gone up to Aberdeen to see Stuart.” Matt revealed. “Oh, and Robbie, I'd give it a couple of days before you go up. She's got some things to sort out, especially the baby.”

“Thanks boss,” Robbie paused for a second. “Wait, what baby?” he questioned.

“Oh shit! You didn't know did you?.”

Robbie sat down, letting go of a heavy sigh. “Did she say who the father is?”

“Yes,” Matt growled. “You!”

“So that’s why she's been avoiding me. I've messed up haven't I?”

“I'm not gonna answer that but you know what you have to do.”

Robbie gently nodded his head.

*

Stuart spotted Jackie looking more casual than he could remember her even been, perching on her holdall outside his house.

“At least you're not trying to kick my door in,” he said as he approached. 

She stood up and removed her ear-buds. “Hiya Stuart.”

He picked up her bag and let them both in.

“You hate Aberdeen,” Stuart stated glancing at her. “So spill it.”

Jackie looked everywhere, except at her friend. “I made a mistake,” she said while she fiddled with the cord on the Celtic hoodie that once belonged to Robbie. “I slept with Robbie,” she added despondently.

Stuart put his arms around her, drawing her into a comforting hug. “What happened? What are you going to do?”

Jackie briefly pulled back. “I'm pregnant and I'm keeping the baby. He doesn't know,” she said far too fast for Stuart to catch everything.

Stuart's eyes widened in surprise. “You're pregnant?”

“Yep, about 4 months,” Jackie solemnly replied, drying her eyes with the sleeve of her top.

She followed Stuart into the kitchen, opting for the stool nearest the wall of the breakfast bar. “Tea?” he asked.

“Black coffee, one sugar. Milk is making me sick these days.”

The incessant drone of the doorbell, put Stuart off the task in hand, water spilling out of his mug and all over the counter. “Get the door will you Jackie.”

Opening the door, Jackie was greeted with an angry looking Robbie. “What are you doing here? You're not wanted go back to Glasgow.”

“Don't act dumb Jackie, it doesn't suit you,” Robbie yelled. “When was I gonna be told? After you'd fucked off to the other side of country? I'll only go back to Glasgow when we've sorted this mess out.”

Jackie felt the colour draining from her face. “Matt told you,” she whispered.

“Yeah, Matt told me. Why do I always have to be the one to find things out from other people?”

“Who is it? It's getting draughty,” Stuart asked, shouting through from the kitchen.

Jackie looked in the direction. “Oh, uh, no one. Just an idiotic twat.”

Stuart entered the hall. “Robbie, good to see you,” he greeted, then said to Jackie, “Your coffee's in the living room.”

Jackie went into the living room and flopped onto the sofa, putting her sock clad feet onto the edge of the coffee table. She turned her iPod on attempting to switch off from the chaos that was her mind and private life.

“I'm staying at the Jury's, that’s my room number.” Robbie handed Stuart a small piece of paper. “Tell her I'm not going anywhere.”

Stuart closed and locked the door.

He went to the living and sat next to Jackie, removing an ear-bud from her ear and placing it in his. _She has a hand of reasons to loose him. He liberates her often hidden smile. She buried trust faded away. He swallowed any promises they made._

“You and Robbie danced to this in your house.” 

“I know we did. It was perfect,” Jackie said trying to fight the tears that were already streaming down her face.

She shifted slightly and buried her head in the crook of Stuart's neck, not caring that she was allowing her vulnerabilities to show.

*

“What are you doing today?” Stuart enquired as he took a large bite out of his toast.

“Not sure, might go and see Robbie but I also want to go up to the beach.”

“He said he'd wait.” Stuart pushed a piece of paper in Jackie's direction. “He's not going anywhere.”

Jackie sighed. “A part of me doesn’t want to see him though.” She couldn't add because I’ll sleep with him again.

“It might help,” Stuart offered as he scrolled down the contacts list on Jackie's Blackberry. “It's ringing.”

“What do I say?” Jackie grumbled as Robbie answered.

“Hello would be a start Jackie,” Robbie teased from the other end of the line.

“Smart arse. Listen, what are you doing this morning?”

“Nothing, why?”

“Meet me at Pumpkin, in about fifteen minutes.”

“Okay.”

She ended the call and picked up the piece of paper, carefully unfolding it. “Room 119,” she read aloud before putting down on the counter.

“Good luck honey,” Stuart said just before he left to go to work.

*

Robbie smiled to himself when he spotted Jackie entering Union Square. She was still wearing his Celtic hoodie and a pair of cotton joggers with trainers, her hair was pulled back in a messy bun.

“Hi, you look good,” he greeted while trying to act like things between them were still the same as they always had been.

“You hungry?” she asked, ignoring his comment.

Robbie held the door for her. “Yeah. What do you want? I'm buying.”

“Black coffee and a bacon roll, no butter on the roll though.”

Jackie collected several sachets of sugar, brown sauce and ketchup, finding a quiet corner while Robbie queued up to order.

“Milk making you sick?” he asked as he watched her take her large chunk out of her cooked sandwich.

She nodded her head in response. “Most dairy does,” she said as swallowed the remnants of her food. 

“Why didn't you come to me Jackie? When you found out I mean.”

Wiping a stray splodge of sauce from the corner of her mouth, she frowned. “Because you were under investigation by complaints. You still are. You were never in when I came round to yours, and I left you a load of voice mail telling you that we needed to talk about this.”

“I never got those messages.” Robbie lowered his head in silent shame. “They've been monitoring all of the calls and messages on my mobile and land line.”

“Bastard,” Jackie muttered as she go up to leave. 

Robbie followed her out of the small café and quickly caught up with her. “Come up to my room, it's more private than in there.”

“No, Robbie, what if it happens again.”

Robbie raised his hands in surrender. “It won't, well, not until after the baby's born.”

Jackie softly chuckled at that. “Oh Robbie, you just don't get it do you.”

“I get it Jackie, believe me I get it. You’re pregnant and scared and you ran away. I'm a fucking screw up who can't be trusted with anything in a skirt. Please believe me when I tell you that I can change and be a better man and the best man you've ever had and known.”

*

Robbie sat on the unmade bed, waiting for Jackie to emerge from the en suite. He looked around when he heard the door open. “Better?” he asked worriedly.

“I will be, when I get past this god damn morning sickness,” she complained, taking a space beside him. “So…. what do you want to know?”

“Everything Jackie, everything.”

“Okay then. About four months ago we went undercover, literally, and I had to pretend to be your girlfriend for a night which was fun. The sex was great.”

Robbie remained silent as she continued with the edited highlights of everything.

“Then a few weeks later you were being investigated and you got suspended. I also found out about the true extent of your gambling addiction and that pissed me off because you usually tell me everything.”

“Last month I found out I was pregnant and all I’ve wanted to do since I found out was go to back to how we were a few years ago, those nights when you stayed at my house, it was nice to just lay in bed and be held, I miss that.”

Knowing that she had now finished her rambling, Robbie smirked. “Smart arse.”

“You did say everything,” Jackie chortled.

There it was again, her smile. For the first time in a long time and he missed seeing it while he'd been under investigation and away from her. 

“How do you feel?” Robbie asked, turning the tone serious once more.

“Honestly?”

“Yeah, honestly.”

Jackie paused, sighing as she collected her words in her head. “I feel like I had one amazing night with the legendary Robbie Ross and since then I've been caught up in the aftermath which feels more like a war torn country than the bliss of that night at the club and your flat.”

“Go on.”

Jackie linked their fingers together, softly smiling as the electricity passed between them once again. “I have loved you and been in love with you for more than twelve years Robbie. I only married Brian because I believed that I could never be with you. I got to be with you and now I'm a mess inside.”

“Thank you,” he said kissing the back of her hand. “Everything you've just said is the same for me but when Gaby told me she was going to Canada and I wouldn't get to see my son again, it hurt more than I’ll ever admit to but it was Jackie, you pulled me through it. Although I had considered going, I knew deep down that I could never be away from you but I also know that you would have come to Canada and bring me home again. Nobody else would.”

“I would have happily pushed her into Clyde for you and left her to drown.” Robbie laughed at her. Jealously wasn't an emotion she used or acted upon very often but she did where his ex-wife was concerned. “Seriously Rob, I would have. Hell, I nearly followed you into that fire but the boss held me back.”

Robbie reached into his jacket pocket, retrieving a sterling silver filigree band ring. He placed one knee on the bed. “Marry me, Jackie?”

Jackie stared at him, her mouth opening and closing like a demented goldfish. “I….”

“Yes?”

“Can't Robbie. I'm sorry.” She wasn't sure but she could have sworn she pinpointed the exact moment Robbie's heart broke. 

“Why not?”

“You're only asking because you want to do the honourable thing and you haven't thought it through.”

“I have thought it through darling. I nearly stopped your wedding because I wanted everyone in registry office that day to know that it was a mistake but I didn't. I only ever want you to be happy.”

“It's not a good enough reason to ask me that Rob. It's not. Besides, how do I know you're not gonna go and find a poker game or a boxing match to bet on while I'm left at home with the baby.”

“I'm in GA and have been since the investigation started. All right, I admit I'm still over forty grand in debt to various bookies but I haven't so much as thought about it for almost two months.”

“GA is a start but that is all it is. I couldn't take losing you Robbie.”

Robbie brushed a tear from her cheek. “It's not what some bookie might or might not do to me that your sacred of Jackie. I can tell.”

Damn it, he could still read her like a well thumbed novel despite them been apart. “I had a miscarriage when me and Brian were on our honeymoon. I was only nine weeks and wasn't really showing then, so this pregnancy is the longest I've had.”

Robbie was surprised by her admission because she usually told him everything. “How many weeks are you right now?”

“Fifteen weeks. So far it's going well, but I am still terrified of losing the baby. I’m nervous about this that there have been times when I don't think I can do it again.”

“That's understandable Jackie, just take it one day at a time.” Robbie asked, placing his hand on her small yet growing bump.

She smiled at the gesture, placing her own hand over his. “Have you had your first scan yet?” 

“Yeah, I had that a couple of weeks ago. I asked for a print out but I left it at Stuart's.”

“What else is scaring you?”

“You are actually. You gambling scares me because it seems to be out of control, even though you're trying to control it, and beat it. You scare me because of who you are, and how intense you can be at times.”

Jackie looked at the clock on the night stand, “Wow,” she mouthed when she realised how long they'd been in his hotel room.

Robbie stared into her eyes. “Jackie I promise you that I will quit gambling right now and pay off what I owe. I want to have a life with you and our child.” 

Jackie's eyes were moistening at his words, listening to all the promises he was making.

“We don't have to get married but to me that is what a family is. My parents divorced when I was six and I vowed to be the best husband and father that I could be when I got married and had kids.”

Some of the promises he was making were typical Robbie promises and some of them were legitimate but it wasn't always easy to tell the difference.

“It went wrong the first time that I tried being a husband and a dad, but I believe in second chances. You and the baby are my second chance Jackie. Don't give up on me, or on us.”

Tears were rolling down Jackie's cheeks as the implications of his words started to sink in, even though she knew some of them were bullshit, she told him, “I'll think about it.” Leaning in and softly kissing him on the mouth. “I best get back up to Stuart's.”

“When can I see you again?” Robbie asked, opening the door for her.

“When I've made my decision.” She turned around. “Do you want your hoodie back? I feel like a traitor for wearing it.”

“I'm sure Garsden Town won't mind. I give away my ticket for the Rangers and Man United game to come up here and sort this out. I would never miss a Champions League game for anyone but you.”

“Bye Robbie.”

*

Stuart was in the bathroom preparing for a date. “Jackie, is that you?” he shouted down.

“Yeah,” she replied making her way upstairs. She smiled at him when she got to the bathroom. “Who's the lucky fella?”

“Kurt. You don't know him.” Jackie chuckled at that. “As long as he's good to you and you're happy, then I'm happy.”

“Thanks. Are you and Robbie sorted out?”

“I think so. I told him I'd think about some things and let him know my decisions.”

“What decisions?” He asked, his curiosity piqued.

“He asked me to marry him but I turned him down, I know him too well for that. Then he vowed to quit gambling for me and the baby, and he asked me to consider having a family with him. Something about second chances.”

“Maybe he's right. You both deserve to be happy and you are actually pretty good together, and I don't go for this fate and destiny stuff but you are each others second chance. Face it, you've both got a failed marriage behind and a string of bad relationships you. Think about it.”

“I will think about it. He wants to see a picture of the baby, the one I showed you.”

Stuart smiled as he fixed his tie. “Sounds like you already know what you want.”

“Yeah, I guess I do, but I'm making him wait for my decision.”

*

Jackie's phone vibrated against the coffee table. She picked it up and unlocked the keys, opening the IM OUTSIDE message from Robbie.

She took the phone with her, and went to open the front door. “Oh Robbie it's you,” she said feigning surprise.

He softly kissed her lips. “Can I see the picture?” he requested following Jackie upstairs.

She opened the side pocket of her holdall, removing the picture she handed it to him. “Do you know the sex yet?”

“The doctor thinks that the baby is a girl but he couldn't quite tell. Camera shy.”

Robbie laughed. “Have you thought of any names yet?”

“Aithne Gemma, if I have a girl and Fraser Michael, if I have a boy.”

“Ross or Reid?”

“Ross,” she answered without hesitation.

Robbie put his arm around her shoulders. “You already know what your answer is don't you?” he probed.

“Yes and no. Yes, we can be a family as long as you keep your promises. No, I won't marry you, not yet anyway. Maybe when we're used to living together and to each others bad habits, the ones we manage to hide. You know that ring, can I wear it now? I know I said no but just as a symbol of our commitment.”

He pulled her into a loving hug holding her tightly. “Of course you can,” he took the ring out of his pocket once more, pushing it onto the ring finger of her right hand.

“I love you,” he declared before kissing her.

“Robbie, think back four years. It's not hard,” Jackie said.

“To when I stayed at your house?” he asked knowing exactly what she was referring to.

“Yes.”

Robbie pulled the covers back. “Get in,” Jackie swung her legs onto the mattress, patting the large space behind her. “I want to fall asleep like we did before things got complicated.”

“Yes ma'am,” He said, mockingly saluting her request.

“Pillock,” she muttered.

“I know I am,” Robbie answered, smirking as he lay down beside her, wrapping his arms protectively around her holding her close.

“Glad you're sorted,” Stuart said, announcing his presence from the doorway.

“Me too,” Robbie replied.

“You do know you'll have to tell Burke when you get back to Glasgow.”

“We know Stuarty, we're doing that in a couple of days,” Jackie said.

“Sleep well you two.”

“Night Stuart, thanks a lot man,” Robbie said before sleep over took him.


End file.
